In December 2012, Sadiah Aalam was
diagnosed with breast cancer. It came as a shock to herself and her family, but
the disease turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Before I was diagnosed I was rushed off
my feet. Between a full-time job, a family, choir practices, bible studies and
church services, my week was always fully booked. The only day I had to myself
was Saturday, and even that was jam-packed with grocery shopping and household
chores. I had almost no time to myself. With all this going on anyone would
feel tired, but the cancer in my body, at this point still undiagnosed, was
draining me even further. I was trying to keep up with everything I had to do,
but my body wasn’t cooperating any more.
As a Christian, my faith is a huge part
of my life, and so I didn’t want to sacrifice any of my many commitments to the
church. My whole life was based around my faith. I was involved in leading bible
studies, I attended church meetings and I even preached at the services,
sometimes three times a week. All this was adding to my exhaustion, but I was
not prepared to give it up. Instead, growing tired of the rat race, I began to
negotiate a four day week, to give me a little more time, as I could no longer
manage any more than that. I was growing weak, but I had no idea it was the
cancer.
A few weeks before I was diagnosed, I
had two different dreams that I was going to suffer with cancer. When the
diagnosis came, in December 2012, it came as both a shock and a confirmation of
what I had dreamt. This was no longer a dream, I had breast cancer.
Like most people, I had never in a
million years thought that I would go through something like this. You never
think it’s going to be you. It made me feel as though the rug had been pulled
from under my feet, and I was scared. But before long the cancer turned out to
be a blessing in disguise. Once I was diagnosed a lot of things fell into
place. I understood why I was so tired and because I had a reason for it
I stopped trying to keep on top of everything. I took long term sickness
leave from work and pretty much stopped doing everything else. I had
obviously needed a break from my hectic life, but without the cancer I might
not have taken one.
Dealing with cancer was still a struggle of course.
Once the treatment began I was bedridden for the best part of 18 months. I was
too ill to get out of bed most days, even if I had wanted to. I went through
six cycles of chemotherapy, and reacted badly to some of the drugs used,
leaving me hospitalised for the entire treatment. I then went through
radiotherapy, as well as four different surgeries, before doctors could give me
the all clear. It was a long and extensive course of treatment, and it took its
toll on me physically.
While my physical health was at its
lowest ebb, emotionally and spiritually I suffered much less. My faith was
still incredibly strong, but at times I felt confused. I was praying for
supernatural healing, praying that I wouldn’t have to undergo extensive
treatment, but things didn’t work out that way. Despite this, my faith stayed
strong, and if anything it was made stronger by my illness. I
understood that whatever was happening to me was not because God was unaware of
it but rather it was something that God was permitting to happen, and the
knowledge that God knew what I was going through really uplifted me. It helped
that I could see how the illness had helped me, by forcing me to rest and take
a break from the stresses of everyday life.
I don’t think that I would have been able to see
the positive side of my illness without God. I know for a fact that I would not
have come out of this relatively unscathed if I did not have my faith. I
often wondered when I was in hospital how people who did not know God got
through times like this. I know that people who don't have a faith also
go through the same trials as someone who does have a faith in God. They
also fall ill and get healed, but I found that for me knowing God meant that I
had come face to face with death, without fear.
During this time I was worse physically than I was
emotionally or spiritually. Emotionally I felt fine, in fact I was able to give
emotional support to my mum because she had really gone to pieces after my
diagnosis. I also was very strong in my spirit. I knew God was with
me and that was what got me through.
I’ve now been given the all clear, and I
feel fine. I feel contented and full of peace. I am still suffering
from some side effects of the drugs that I was given and I struggle with
concentration and sometimes with fatigue, but that is just a phase, it will
pass too.
The illness has made me appreciate life more.
Probably for the first time in my adult life I have stopped to look
around and appreciate everything that is around me. I noticed that this
year there are a lot more flowers in bloom, but then I realised that before
this I have never really had time to appreciate the flowers. They had
probably always been like this but this year is the first time ever I have time
to myself to appreciate them and everything else around me. I have also
become more relaxed about things like keeping the house really, really clean,
and making sure that there is not a speck of dust anywhere. Somehow these
things don't seem that important anymore. I seem to be grateful for my
children being there to make a mess, so in a way I am grateful for the mess. I
have come to appreciate my family and friends even more than I did before. I
have a deeper appreciation of life but from very different angles. The
things that seemed so important before don't seem so important now.
My illness has also made my faith stronger. I could
see God at work throughout my illness in everything from my healing to my
finances. God has really made his presence known to me in this time.
I have become much more aware of the way that he has been at work in my
life and in the lives of others around me during my time of illness. I would
not have got through this without my faith.
The whole ordeal has really opened my eyes. Before
the cancer I was far too busy to appreciate the most important things in life,
but now I feel I have time to enjoy how wonderful my life truly is. Going
through the physical trauma of this disease has really strengthened me
emotionally and spiritually, I am a happier and more relaxed person than I was
before, and my prayers have been answered. I prayed for healing, but somehow
God has worked in me at a much deeper level than just physical healing.
He has healed me in many other ways. I trust God even more than I did
before now. My faith in him is stronger and deeper.
I feel truly blessed. Rather than taking it away,
cancer has given me the gift of time.
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